Friday, December 7, 2007

I think my body is sending me a message...

...and it's pretty straight forward.

ENOUGH.

My headaches are worse than ever. My belly is bruising, which has never happened before. I'm exhausted. I look AWFUL. My face looks like a road map. My arm veins are hard...too hard to draw blood from. My emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE.

I could go on and on...overall I feel like absolute CRAP and I'm tired of it, quite frankly.

If it weren't cooperating, I'd be much more concerned...but I just came back from another ultrasound and everything is "progressing quite nicely". Bloodwork results come later today. If they're ok, my estrace will be increased and if I remember correctly, the lupron will stop? I don't know, maybe it's too soon for that.

This is the first cycle that I don't have the calendar they give you on my fridge. I guess that's why I'm a little confused about what drugs start and stop when, but they always call to remind you anyway. I honestly think I'm just in denial about this cycle working...I have been from the beginning. I'm viewing it as a "filler"...something to do before we move to the new PGD testing in Jan/Feb.

Frank, on the other hand, KNOWS that "this is it". His way of thinking is the opposite...because I've been forgetting my meds more easily, because it's a cycle we hadn't planned from the beginning, etc...means that it'll happen this time. As usual, he's WAY more positive than I am!

I do hope he's right though. And I'm pretty sure my body is hoping the same thing.

6 comments:

Adrienne said...

Mel,

I am so sorry that things are rough for you right now. I can't even being to imagine what this is all like but I do hope that things start to look for you very soon. You and Frank continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Turtle7178 said...

Mel,
Please no I'm thinking about you and hoping that 2008 is all you want it to be and more!

Linda said...

I'm sorry you're really struggling this cycle. It's bad enough that it's emotionally stressful but adding physical pain to it makes it so much worse. I'm always pulling for you Melissa.

Gillian said...

My good thoughts and vibes are always with you.. I'm being as positive as Frank.. you ARE due for some great news!

Lauren (lpwish) said...

I am an occasional poster on the Nest, but I have been following your blog. I'm so sorry that you are going through this- I know how hard it can be. My sister (who is also my best friend) went through infertility, and after almost 2 years of frustration, sadness and stress, she became pregnant with my wonderful now-3 year old nephew. I know it gets hard, but hang in there. I'm wishing you a ton of good vibes.

Delilah said...

I hope this is it for you, too. Good luck!